A43
Collective Memory
Excerpt from novel: A longitudinal case study into motherlessness.

i almost found my self once

during a Long Sit — after a very weighty loss.
for a moment i thought i’d found it:
the vision at the end of the quest.

i was overwhelmed with the sensation
that i was meant to be a mother,
which was a confusing feeling.
i wanted mothership.
i craved it, i think to replace the mothership i’d lost.

it wasn’t children i wanted,
and certainly not fatherhood.

as a father, i could never love a child like i was its first home.
i would never love it like it took first breaths through my mouth.
i would never love it like we had once shared the same mind.
no,
i wanted to grow a person in me
and to emit that maternal love
which is otherwise
unattainable.

Samson Manoah