A54
Collective Memory
Excerpt from novel: A longitudinal case study into motherlessness.

the program started

with questions about my age
sex
height
weight
marital status
parents' marital status
parents’ mortal status
etc.
then it asked that i relax
while it plays inaudible tones
in order to map the device to
my personal neural network.
i waited and watched different colors
appear in front of me
but heard nothing
and felt nothing until
i felt everything i have ever felt, within an instant
and can only explain the feeling
in terms of memories that appeared during the short process:
of running back inside after taking the garbage out even though i know nobody is behind me but i am, of a sudden, certain there is something behind me
of my eyes shut tight lips pressed against tightly pressed lips
of falling on broken glass and crying but feeling too old to be crying
of a dream i finally remembered but now forget
of being broken up with and feeling proud that i wasn't crying
of 'i love you' welling up in me
of a nurse declaring my head as the source of the school’s lice
of a moment in near-red blackness
with two lungs in stereo
expanding, enveloping me,
weightlessly held in all directions
breathlessly warm
and then it said “Complete!"
and i cried until inhaling felt impossible.

Samson Manoah