B48
Public Record
Excerpt from novel: with Abandon

floundering gasping quiet unmovingly

reaching grasping motionless flailingly
red for lack of breath
not a word of this to my Wife, you hear?
ready to give up and breathe in four oceans
then expire

quiet, still, with Her.
alone with Her:
alone.

no badge of courage for being quiet.
pull me up
lift me out
forgot to eat
no water either
eye-bags like gunny sacks
anything helps
except Her company.
ten feet away from Her feels like
the entire circumference of the earth
minus ten feet.
my Wife, my Childhood, only Love,
delicate Face, freckled Youth, green-eyed Savior,
Crutch, favorite Friend, right Brain,
borrowed Spine, second Mother, Only lover,
adrift in this open sea
She is my life-preserver and my anchor,
mosquito in my stagnant water,
selfish mouth, combustible soul,
my empty tank.

with Her
i am lonely.
alone i am only alone.

Frida Bilson