B91
Public Record
Excerpt from novel: with Abandon

siphon my love from me

until You are filled

Your initials are back
to what they were when we thought
they were changing for good.
it is strange feelingly
to hear Your old name again.
i feel a longing for your former self
not as you were when i left,
but when You first found me —
when then i remember that
that self is dead.
She has been supplanted
several times over
and i have a deep love
for each Iteration
but for those initials
that former name,
i feel pangs to meet Her
to compare Her to every Version
i’ve since known,
to find Her trajectories
and hold Her maternally,
saying, “Nobody will care for you
as severely
as i do now.”

Frida Bilson