C25
Public Record
Excerpt from novel: Best Cellar

He was a shining sac of flesh

all pink and white and laughing and crying and laughing.
He was a real person, he had a voice and fingerprints,
told stories and made sweeping gestures.
Now his hands are decomposing.
Maggots and their fathers fill my only son.
He was still breathing
with all that young blood coating his face.
Breath too fast and eyes wide open, incredulous at the cruelty of life
to crush his immortality. Children cannot die! he thought.
God could never take a child!
Even as young as he was, that must’ve been what he thought.
I thought so, too, even as old as I was.

With his hummingbird heart and his bloody breaths
I knew he would make it, was certain of it.
We would take him to the emergency room,
and I would run him in on a stretcher
in slow motion. The doctor would hand me a mask and I’d
watch steady hands hovering, pinching scalpels and sutures,
then cleaning him up and patting him on the back, saying
“That'll do it.”
and Isaac jumps from the table
into the safety of my arms.
I’d pat him on the back and say,
“Everything's alright, it's ok now.”
and it would be his lesson,
to be fearful of this bastardous existence.

I was so brainless, so confused, so unprepared for
the birth of my son. When he was placed into my arms,
he was a shining sac of flesh,
all pink and white and screaming and crying,
breathing with all that young blood coating his face.
Breath too fast and eyes shut tight, incredulous at the cruelty of life.
And a new love started at the tip of my scalp in the form of
goosebumps, a shiver and warmth.
It moved quickly and slowly down my spine and over my shoulders
warmth through my arms that held him and warmth in my heart beating beating
and warmth and shivers down my legs
and each and every ugly hair on my ugly body stood straight up
as i held this beautiful hairless thing.
Nine months of fear disintegrated into a new fear.
I was no longer afraid of a child
or how I would perform as a father
or how to raise him
or if I was ready.
Instead I feared every unimaginable threat to his self.
With his hummingbird heart and his bloody little breaths
I knew he would make it, was certain of it.

Thresher Charles